Finding Your Purpose Through Learning To Be You

Before we begin, if you have not subscribed to my YouTube channel, then why not! I post new videos every Wednesday on topics relating to mental health and personal development. This week I spoke about meditation. Any support is greatly appreciated.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ungh-Hvicfk&t=293s

Now, to the topic of today, purpose.

As of late, I have been questioning my purpose more so than I ever have. Maybe it is within my nature of being an introspective, big thinker, but it’s difficult for me not to ponder questions regarding our place in the world. The mere subject of existentialism is something that fascinates me and I have always had trouble understanding why more people don’t question their purpose. After all, we are living on a floating rock in the middle of a solar system within an infinite cosmos.

Actually, I think that might be why.

It’s difficult to question our individual purpose without acknowledging the larger picture of our existence. That in itself can trigger anxiety and it did in me for some time. Now, however, I approach the subject with curiosity and awe. We do not know much about life, but that is what makes it beautiful.

Greater purpose aside, one purpose we can find, is the purpose of our everyday lives. For some time I struggled with not knowing my own. I often questioned where I fit in, how I could contribute to society, and what qualities I possessed that were valuable for the task. As you can imagine, these are pretty big questions to ask yourself. It’s only natural that mental health problems would arise when I couldn’t find the answers I deeply craved. The greatest part of this journey has been the slow and steady unraveling of a sense of purpose. I wanted to go through how I began to find my own with you today.

Purpose Is Authentic Expression In A Goal

I recommend anyone who is searching for a purpose to look for the things that bring them true joy. I had a deep, insightful, knowing that I was meant to do this work, however, I ignored it for some time out of fear. The feeling I would get when engrossing myself in psychology, self-help, and personal development was a feeling I did not get anywhere else in my life. Even the term “engrossing” perfectly describes the way I approach this work. A flow state emerges as I begin to write, read or talk about these subject matters that almost stops time in the external world.

In previous times, I was searching for purpose through the lens of someone who did not know themselves. If this journey has taught me anything, is that authenticity is our greatest power. To add to that, purpose requires authenticity to shine. Purpose can simply be viewed as a goal with a larger meaning. One that encompasses us as we are whilst also serving the people around us.

Authenticity is key as in order to have a larger-than-life goal, this purpose must include passion. Otherwise, it is just a goal. It is also one we will resent when our hearts are not in it. Passion is what gets you up in the morning. Passion is the enthusiasm to put the work in when you’re not feeling motivated. Passion is what drives you to your inevitable successes. Without passion, we have no drive.

Consequently, a disconnect from our true authentic selves means finding your passion will be difficult. Passion can simply be referred to as an intense enthusiasm towards someone or something. To experience passion, you must know what you like and what interests you. This is difficult to know if you are living your life through the lens of a false self and are out of touch with your intuitive knowing. This is where many individuals — including myself — lose touch with their passions and therefore, their purpose.

Loss of The Authentic Self

The issue is, many of us abandoned our authentic selves long ago. Rejection of our authentic expression by our caregiver or society is often the cause. As children we are extremely influential and dependant on our caregivers to get our needs met. At this age, any sort of rejection is practically life or death to the vulnerable child. Authentic expression resulting in rejection can lead us to feel like there is an aspect of ourselves that is fundamentally wrong. From there, a false self begins to appear. A self that is there to protect the wounded inner child and the parts of ourselves that we now deem unacceptable to express.

This can look like a young girl shamed for wanting to pursue a creative outlet in arts. She’s told her dreams are pointless, no money is made in the arts and it is a dead profession. As a result, she learns to hide this authentic part of her away out of guilt and shame for wanting to do something that is, inherently herself. She ends up in a corporate job, a societally acceptable career that earns her good money but inside, she feels hollow. Unbenounes to her, she has been occupying a false self since childhood. Authentic rejection had caused her to hide away her authentic love of the arts and instead, occupy a false persona of someone who she thought she needed to be. Misguided in her way, she winds up in a job that at its core, does not fulfill her with her true purpose lost amongst the expectations of others. Passion, nowhere in sight.

Some individuals go decades unknowingly occupying a false self-based on standards they did not set or want themselves. All they have to show is the whispers of intuitive discontent. Many are unable to even source its origins due to their authentic expression being so deeply buried within their psyche after years of rejection. Some stay in this haze of discontent for their entire lives unaware that their lack of authentic expression is the source of their endless mundanity. Some, however, wake up.

Luckily, I was the latter. I woke up. Found my authentic expression, and with it, began to find a sense of purpose.

Uncovering My Lost Passion and True Purpose

Uncovering my once lost authentic expression was a challenge and is for many. After all, our authentic selves were once rejected and as noted above, this is devastating to a dependant young child. This false self we occupy can be seen as an armor that is there to protect the vulnerable parts of ourselves we were shamed into hiding. Removing it is therefore not easy.

In uncovering my authenticity, I was faced with the effects of years of self-inflicted shame and hatred towards myself. I felt inadequate in my own skin. Anxiety was rife as I began expressing myself to the world. The inner child within still feared the rejection it once felt. Due to the fact these rejections were felt as children, the fears can be irrational in adulthood but completely understandable to the young child who takes everything so personally. For me, sharing my written and video work was terrifying. There was a fear of self-expression that to others may seem irrational but to me, was very valid.

I had always been creative as a child, looking back. I wrote many stories and created imaginary worlds I lost myself in an attempt to escape my reality. As I grew up and society taught me otherwise, I lost touch with that part of myself. Finding myself out of university and in a 9–5 job, I quickly realised something was up. Depression was a dull undercurrent in the back of my life and anxiety made sure to halt any thought of self-expression. A series of mental health problems and a mental break later — as is the case for many occupying false selves -, I woke up.

I realized that my attempts at finding my way were futile. I was trying to make sense of a life I did not want. I didn’t carve this road, the road was carved for me. I was misaligned and out of flow with myself. So I began searching. Searching for the parts of me I lost as a child. The creativity that once motivated me to create the worlds I lost myself in was still there. In fact, it had been crying out to be heard. I was just choosing not to listen. It was difficult to listen with the voices muffled beneath years of self-denial and rejection.

I finally listened.

During my inquiry into my authenticity, I searched for the things that lit me up. Fitness, mental health, helping others, and creativity shone above all else. Combining that with a wish to be independent in my work and free from the shackles of working to please a boss, coaching seemed like the only logical option for me. In doing this work, I get a sense of elation and passion that I get nowhere else in my life. In identifying and living through my passions, a purpose has begun to form for me.

This is not to say that I have it all figured out because I don’t, but even on my lowest days and in times of doubt, I know I am doing what I am meant to be doing. That’s what purpose is. It’s the intuitive sense that you are both doing something that speaks to you while serving the world and community you live in. Belonging, after all, is a part of the human condition.

Many studies tell of the implications of inauthentic living on mental and physical health. I won’t go into them today however, I did create a video on the very subject.

How then, can you begin searching for your own purpose?

Just to make it clear, on this journey of self-discovery, I was not setting out to find a purpose. I was merely looking to live a healthier life and one which was more aligned to me. In fact, my purpose was a by-product that came as I did the inner work. As I began building the life I wanted, as I started uncovering my passions and pursuing them, that is when my purpose began to show.

Don’t finish this article on a mission to find your purpose. Leave with the aim to build a life that speaks truly to your authentic desires. Find them first, if you have to. From there, your purpose will show itself.

If you are struggling to find purpose then it is likely you are struggling to live authentically, also. To me, purpose is merely passion in action. Passion for something that fulfills you, and helps others. Passion requires knowing what lights you up inside. I found that in fitness. I found that in creativity. I found that in self-expression. I found that in helping others.

Uncover your authentic self, and with it, you will find your calling, too.