I Stopped Complaining Because Of This

I make a conscious effort to be aware of how much I complain and actively try not to for a few important reasons. As a result, I have noticed a remarkable difference in my mindset and the way in which I show up in the world. It is integral to a growth mindset to remove the pessimistic nature that surrounds complaining. Freeing up the negative space occupied by such thoughts leaves room for positivity. Ultimately, this shift in mindset facilitates room in our lives for productive change.

Complaining is only a resistance to what IS

When you are disagreeing with anything you are essentially saying you do not agree with what your reality is. This can be harmful because if what we are experiencing is beyond our control, all we are doing through being negative is making our experience in the here and now all the worse. For example, you wake up with plans to spend the day outside in the sun and find it to be raining. You have two choices, to complain about the fact that it is raining — resist your reality — or to accept it for what it is and commit to having an equally great day indoors or doing something else. I know which one I would choose.

This is especially true if we are pursuing some sort of change in our lives and are currently experiencing a reality we do not particularly like. Now, I can not make you love your reality or your boring day job but surely it is easy to see that complaining is only going to make your time in the here and now even harder than it might already be. When we can replace our resistance to reality with acceptance for what is, we free up so much space to work towards what we truly want.

Little productivity will be found in a negative mindset. If you spent the entire day complaining about the day job you do not like, what energy is left to pour into tasks that truly matter? Tasks that will inevitably help get you out of the situation you are in? Very little.

This is not to say you should not be resisting things in your life that are truly harmful like abuse, mistreatment, or other sorts of unacceptable behaviour. That is different. What I am merely saying is that some things are what they are and the quicker you can shift your mindset, the easier it will be to change your circumstances.

Words are Worlds

I love this saying because it encapsulates the experience of spewing negativity into our lives. If you are walking through your day resisting and complaining about what your reality is, as a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy you will further emphasise the reality you dislike.

Be mindful of the words you are saying. I have a forthcoming post on feedback loops but each complaint creates a feedback cycle. The behaviours we carry out solidify particular identities. That means, if you are complaining and rejecting your reality all day long you will be simultaneously reinforcing the identity of someone who dislikes their reality. Again, if you are wanting to make a productive change, little will be found from a place of total resistance to what is.

I remember listening to a podcast by Mark Groves I believe where the guest gave an example of two alcoholics who were trying to quit. When approached and asked if they would like a drink one says “No thank you” while the other says “No I am trying to quit”. The one who is associating themselves with their old identity is more likely to relapse than the one who is actively dissociating from that identity.

I use this as an example because if you are spending your day complaining about a reality you can not change, you will only have an increased negative experience and will be kept stuck.

“What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size” — Carl Jung

What we have to do is begin to shift our mindsets away from one of resistance to one of acceptance to what is. Restraining ourselves from complaining and in place practicing narratives like “I may not like where I am but I will make the most of it” or “I accept where I am at this moment”. immediately frees you up. There is always energy attached to the words we choose and these will radiate into our realities. “I accept where I am at this moment” feels much more expansive than “I hate where I am and wish I was not here”. From a place of acceptance, you will then be able to work towards the life you truly want with a freer, happier mindset.

Closing Thoughts

I use to be a complainer. I was in constant resistance to my life. Often times we do not have control over the things that are happening to us. What we do have, however, is the ability to choose how we react to our life experiences. As a result, the way in which we choose to show up in the present moment will impact our future and ability to create the life that we want. Words create your worlds and being aware of the resistance you may be pouring into your reality is one of the ways we can stop ourselves from getting stuck.

I will leave you today with a great quote by Eckhart Tolle from the timeless “The Power Of Now”. Have a great day.

“See if you can catch yourself complaining, in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness”

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